The short answer is no — nothing you do after drinking can speed up alcohol elimination. Your liver processes alcohol through the enzyme alcohol dehydrogenase (ADH) at a fixed rate of approximately 0.15‰ per hour (about 7–10 grams of ethanol per hour for most adults). This is zero-order kinetics: the rate doesn't change regardless of how much alcohol is in your blood (NIAAA, 2023). Coffee is the most persistent myth. Caffeine is a stimulant that can make you feel more alert, but it does not lower BAC or improve cognitive impairment from alcohol. A study in Behavioral Neuroscience (2009) found that caffeine after alcohol created "wide-awake drunks" — people who felt more alert but performed just as poorly on reaction time and judgment tests. This is arguably more dangerous than feeling tired, because the false confidence can lead to risky decisions like driving. Cold showers activate the sympathetic nervous system, producing a temporary adrenaline spike that creates a sensation of alertness. But like coffee, this is purely subjective — your BAC remains unchanged. The shock of cold water can actually be dangerous when intoxicated, as alcohol impairs thermoregulation and the combination can cause hypothermia or cardiac stress. Eating after drinking does not lower BAC either. Food can slow absorption of alcohol still in the stomach, but once alcohol has entered the bloodstream, food has no effect on elimination. Eating before drinking is effective because it delays gastric emptying and reduces peak BAC, but eating after the fact cannot undo absorption. Exercise slightly increases metabolism but the effect on alcohol elimination is negligible — perhaps 5–10% faster at most, not enough to meaningfully change when you'll be sober. The only reliable strategy is time. At 0.15‰ per hour, you can estimate your clearance time: a BAC of 0.5‰ takes about 3.3 hours; 1.0‰ takes about 6.7 hours. Sources: NIAAA "Alcohol Metabolism," Behavioral Neuroscience (2009), Jones (2010) "Alcohol Pharmacokinetics."